A New Years Eve Message from you dear ole' Uncle Adam

Well, it is that time of the year again. The time we reflect on the past year, and turn hopeful eyes to the calendar, with grand aspirations of the upcoming year. We vow to be better people, to lose weight, to care more for the needy and disabled, to read more books, to finally profess our love to that one special someone who doesn't care we exist...Ahhh, a truly beautiful time of year.

Who the fuck are you people kidding. You will go to the gym for about the next 3 weeks before you remember you hated working out, and it's back to the buffet for you. Donating a couple old shirts to Salvation Army is not caring for the poor. And that bitch/asshole doesn't know you exist for a reason: You probably suck.

According to conspiracy theorists who don't know how to pick up a fucking book, the world will end next December. Let's just pray that those morons who give true paranoid skeptics a bad name will just off themselves the night before the alleged Armageddon.

So, we have determined you a lying ass for your list of retarded cliche resolutions. But do not despair! Your humble writer, Adam the Schirling, will share with you the key to making this New Years one to remember:

DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

Let me repeat that.

DO WHATEVER YOU FUCKING WANT

Make this final day of the year, the day that you redeem yourself for your past 364 days of being a wussy cog in the wheel of life. You ever have sex with a hooker guys? Then go do it. You ever give a blowjob to a random stranger at the movies girls? Then go do it. Ever done drugs? Try them. Ever drink for breakfast? Fucking do it! Abstained from tattoos fearing job-search consequences? GET A FUCKING TATTOO.

Let's face it, Monday morning most of you people will go back to being your boring law-abiding selves. Not Today. Today is the day you throw all caution to the wind, and do all those dirty, dangerous, crazy things that are brewing deep deep down in your heart. Fuck the consequences. Consequences are for people that give a shit, and today YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

So, go bungee jumping, rent a Ferrari and take it out on the open freeway with a song blaring and a glove compartment full of blow. Flip off that annoying neighbor, take a piss in the street, pierce your nipples, break that stupid vase on the bookshelf, and try blow fish sushi.

You have between right this moment and midnight to make all your nasty urges a reality. Embrace life. Embrace the absolute absurdity of the human experiment. And be exactly who you really are, without a concern for parents, employers, vanilla friends, and security guards.

Happy Fucking New Years to you all. I will see you on the flip side, with not only a hangover and a sheepish grin, but a mischievous twinkle in the eye.

Your friend,

Adam Schirling

Editor in Chief

Drunken Absurdity

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Hahaha

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DA announces its endorsement for 2012: Ron Paul for President!

We have waited a while to decide our official endorsement for President of these United States in 11 months. And that canidate is Ron Paul. My love of Mr. Paul swayed over the past couple of years, as he seemed to start losing grasp of his strong Libertarian roots(and as a car carrying member of the libertarian party, I was dismayed). But I was wrong to despair, Ron's beliefs are as strong as ever. Unlike most non-democrats, I feel that Obama has done some great things for this country, taking over during a 2 front war and a recession. But I think the honeymoon is over, and people unfairly expected him to change the world. Every other Republican canidate is disgusting and deplorable to endorse.(really, America: Newt Gingrich??!) Bachmann is a crazy racist bitch, Romney a sleazy zombie, Gingrich a gay bashing asshole, and Santorum....well, he is Rick Santorum. Fuck em all. Ron Paul is the crazy game changing sonofabitch that this country needs right now. We just need to give him the chance.

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resolutions

NEW YEARS FUCKING RESOLUTIONS

PUBLISH TWO CHAPBOOKS BY JUNE

FINISH SCREENPLAY FOR JAMES BRESSACK, MAKE SWEET MOVIE

CONVERT DA INTO A PRINT MAG

MAKE A PORN VERSION OF NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

BUY A CADILLAC

FOR CMM AND I TO HAVE AT LEAST 12 3SOMES, AND 2 4SOMES(fffm OF COURSE)

START MY LEG SLEEVES

GET ONE CELEBRITY TO WEAR A DA SHIRT IN PUBLIC

FINISH AND PUBLISH THE DA COOKBOOK

MAKE FUN OF EVERY HIPSTER AND STRAIGHT EDGE LAMEASS THAT I MEET

FIND A MIDGET FRIEND

CONTINUE MY LEGACY OF AWESOMENESS AND WINNING

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Sale on merchandise!

Today only! If you buy a shirt on the Drunken Absurdity store, get 5 stickers for free!!!! Buy 5 stickers, get 5 for free!!!!!! Buy some merch and support our revolution! 
Drunken Absurdity Store

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"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." ~ John Stuart Mill

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Ha

If you are an able bodied American male, and have not served in combat over the course of the two-front decade long War on Terror......well, you sir are pretty much without any balls or manhood whatsoever, and should just change your name to a chicks asap

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i will always love Explosions in the Sky

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yup

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I want the whole world or nothing

60,000 views as of today! Keep it up! Keep drinking, keep smoking, but most importantly: keep fucking reading

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The Drunken Absurdity store is open for business!

Official Drunken Absurdity Merchandise

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Willis Gordon does it again

Stop by Drunken Absurdity and read Willis Gordons latest piece on his political column. He has some great words about the current status of the Republican presidential nominee race. Brilliant work

Torn and Frayed

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the very worst crime that can be committed in the literature world...

Often on Drunken Absurdity we lash out against those of low moral fortitude. Hipsters. Straight Edge morons. Fake artists and poser philosophers. Self proclaimed photographers armed with intsagram taking sepia shots of their beer and rhubarb cupcake. Just the very worst of the supposed artistic community.

But today, we will discuss something far worse. A crime committed by only the very lowest slime of the Earth. I speak of plagiarism. There is nothing more horrific than a plagaristic writer.

Now, sure sometimes I will throw up a blog post or Facebook status, heavily re quoting Wikipedia, or Kenny Powers, or other such nonsense. That is ok. Some purists will claim that too is plagiarism, but come on people, in the digital age of information sharing a un attributed quote or wikipedia fact is sure to pop up from time to time.

I am talking about the utter criminals that steal other writers works, rearrange a few small details, and then try to market and sell the product as their own. This is a sin that is unforgivable.

One of our very own Drunken Absurdity revolutionaries has recently fallen victim to this blatant theft. Jacey Lane Deville is a talented writer, with a flair for the written word that is extremely hard to come by in this world. And that very charisma and power that resonates from her words made her a target for plagiarism. A fellow 'writer' by the name of SM Garcia has systematically and methodically stolen work from Jacey for some time now, being reckless at first with it, and being caught early. But then she has learned to be more coy with her actions, hiding her thieves tracks well. But the truth will always come to light in these circumstances, and it has again now.The ugly head of dishonesty and insecurity has reared itself back, and revealed its fangs to the world. After being caught, she has reacted with threats of violence and horrid comments towards the victim.

This aggression will not stand. I am announcing that Drunken Absurdity, in all of its small pull in this crazy world of ezines and small press literature, is officially condemning SM Garcia for her deplorable actions, and encouraging ALL of our readers to boycott and speak out against this supposed writer. We call on SM Garcia to defend her actions in an open forum, and face her accusers. We suspect she will just continue her verbal slanders and idle threats. If you are a true writer, Ms. Garcia, and want your named cleared, then accept this invitation for rebuttal. If you pen a heartfelt and sincere apology for all the criminality you have made Ms. Deville suffer, and offer explanations for your actions, we will be supportive of you moving forward as a writer in redemption. If you insist on staying this path, we will continue to call for boycotts on every one of your works, and will send this message to our very numerous readers and fellow writers/publishers that dot the entire globe.

Come forward. Be held accountable. And do the right thing.

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These are a few of my favorite things.....

buffalo wings

home

strippers

whiskey

my job

boobs

rat rods (this summer hopefully!!!!!)

steak

surfing(even though I am stuck in this surf-less state)

tattoos

and more important than all of the above, my old lady, Courtney Marie. I love her so much it is literally painful



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DA models doing big things in the world...

Check out our very own DA model Gigi Marie as a featured girl on Cannabis Cuties!!!

If you don't love Gigi Marie, then you can go fuck yourself. We are lucky to have her here at DA!

GiGi Kush

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just brilliant, listen to the guitar riffs

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ohh bettie

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just awesome

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whats a man to do??

the other day I watched a porn where a midget, a tranny, and a babysitter triple-teamed a dude in a hottub. How the hell am I ever supposed to go back to Playboy after THAT???

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A bit different than my normal fare

with the war in Iraq officially ending yesterday, I have written an article on my thoughts and reflections as a combat veteran. Please leave love/hate comments on the bottom of the page, you can post a comment at the end of the article. If you are a Marine or Sailor I served with, I am particularly interested in your feedback, whether positive or negative, so please do comment. This article was a bit difficult to write, and took a bit out of me, so I hope you enjoy. -Adam

We Burn The Fat Off Our Souls

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for my brothers in 3/6...Welcome Home

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One of my favorite movie scenes from all time. Awesome speech in the bank

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A must-see for any true drinker

Yesterday I had the supreme privilege to watch the Discovery Channel doc, How Beer Saved The World. Like me, I am sure many of you true, loyal drinkers have to deal with the scourge of straight edge and AA meeting commandos who cannot wait to spout off propaganda about the dangers and perils of drinking. TV is full of shows like 'Intervention" who love to show you the horrors of alcohol use. Like many of you, I constantly meet people who wish nothing more than to make me feel ashamed, guilt ridden for our thirst. Now, us loyal true drinkers, finally have scientific proof that not only is alcohol amazing, but beer itself has created the civilization that we know today. It was the accidental creation of beer, a thousand years before bread, that stopped humanity from a lifestyle of hunter-gatherer status, and begin to settle and farm, which led to the development of mathematics. Beer production in ancient Egypt helped build the pyramids, and it was recently discovered, an accidental byproduct of Ancient Egyptian beer was the creation of Tetracycline, a powerful antibiotic not discovered until 1948. So, yes, beer saved lives. It was the running out of beer on the Mayflower that caused the pilgrims to land at Plymouth Rock, instead of their intended destination, Virgina. It was the production of beer bottles that led to the first assembly line, which ended child labor in the US. These and countless other amazing facts are readily available in this well researched and humorously made film, which helps us restore pride as loyal true drinkers. Take THAT you fucking teetotalers.

I highly recommend getting on Netflix or Hulu and educating yourself on

"How Beer Saved the World"

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i will meet one day big guy

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I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working
At a nine to five pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

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fucking congrats to GNR for the 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction

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ram jam

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with great beard comes great responsibility

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ole sid says it best

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BUY MY SHIT!!!!

Hey DA Fans, we finally have our small intial merch inventory ready to rock, just working on getting the PayPal widget set up on the site. We will have shirts for $15, 8.5x11 posters for $8, and stickers for $2. Unfortunantly since I am barely turning a profit as is, I can't offer any 'friend discount' or anything at this time, but we hope in the near future when we increase inventory to offer a contributor discount. HOWEVER, if you are a chick and order a shirt, if you send me a pic of you rocking the shirt in a bar, or a risque-ish webcam/cell phone shot of you in the shirt, I will send you back 3 bucks. After the holidays, if all goes as planned, we will be adding hoodies for $30, hats for $15, and panties for $10. If the price sounds steep to ya, sorry, but we are a very small organization right now. Keep an eye out on the site!

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New Adam Schirling article on Alt Reel

The Death of American Manhood

check it out and leave some leave/hate fuckers

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Are you fucking kidding me???

Even in a flagging economy, Christie's auction house in New York City was able to attract a record sales price for a photograph. In November, a 1999 photo by German artist Andreas Gursky, of a scenic view of the Rhine River, sold for $4.3 million. (It is possible, of course, that buying the actual waterfront property that Gursky photographed from -- to enjoy the same view every day for the rest of your life -- would have been less expensive.) [Washington Post-AP, 11-11-2011]

This is a great example of how 99% of photography is not an art. at all. a journalistic skill, yes. art? no. its just another excuse for fat hipster girls and skeletor-like boys with no other artistic skills to be artsy. That a picture of something is worth atronomically more than the thing itself is fucking ludicrous. Photography is a technical skill, and a journalistic ability. Combat reporters and international correspondents that snap pictures documenting amazing snapshots that will be world history have my utmost respect. It absolutely takes a strong technical skill and sharp mind. Now, Ansel Adams taking fucking pictures of trees in Big Bear and selling them for 500K? FUCKING RETARDED. Just shows you how retarded supposed 'artsy' people are. I don't care if you find a picture of Mother Theresa pissing on JFKs chest while he is in drag, I wouldn't pay 4.3 Million dollars for it.
 

 

OHH, and here is a heads up. Taking a picture of yourself taking a picture isn't ironic. It's fucking stupid

 



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to them ALL!!!!!!

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Update

Drunken Absurdity is closed for submissions until the New Year! We will be working hard on getting the site updated with a bunch of great new features, and we will fucking be ready to rock in 2012. Happy Holidays Fuckers!

We will still keep updating the FB, blog, and Twitter because let's face it: we are attention whores

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the only gift that i need

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'tis the season!!!

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Toni Tails, you are an artist that DA can def love

her site

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loooong time ago favorite, still rings true

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oh jesus it is killing me already

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this is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.....

Ron de Jeremy spiced rum. My god.

from their website:

"Ron de Jeremy Rum is an exceptionally well-balanced 7-year old rum from Panama. It has an inviting light amber color with very attractive copper hues. The aroma is that of carefully aged rum, with a harmoniously balanced orchestra of oak, fruit and spices. In the palate it opens up smoothly, showcasing a high level of craftsmanship. The oak comes through robustly and satisfyingly, yet gently enough to allow hints of vanilla and raw sugarcane to reveal them selves. The finish is elegant and long, true to the aromas and flavors previously experienced. Ron de Jeremy sips perfectly, naked or savored over the rocks, and mixes beautifully to make Ron’s many signature drinkxxx. It is the adult rum"

The official website of Ron de Jeremy

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