107 proof small batch bourbon
>> Sunday, July 31, 2011
That will put some hair on your balls
a horrible weekend ahead...
I will unfortunatly be attending the Newport Folk Festival this weekend. While a folk concert in itself can be bearable given the right conditions( I managed to not kill myself when I took my girl to see the Avett Brothers in Boston last fall), the facts regarding this event are bleak:
a) it will be fucking hot as hell
b) there is no booze allowed in and they will not be selling any
c)we will have a 2 year old with us
d) it lasts two fucking days
pray for me
Read more...
why would i purchase this?????
>> Monday, July 25, 2011
Amy Winehouse: Safe in Heaven drunk
Though not particulary fond of her music, I have utmost respect for tortured souls. Her death at 27 is a reminder that the struggle can sometime get the best of us all. We salute one of the queens of drunken absurdity
Read more...
My 2 cents: Why I do not support the Governator
>> Friday, July 22, 2011
I realize that this story may be old news, but after watching an update on it this morning on HLN, I must now throw my hat into the ring.....Arnold: you fucking suck.
That pains me to say. I have always been a huge fan of Arnold. Awesome movies aside, when I was a serious powerlifter, his Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding was my bible, and I watched Pumping Iron religously. There isn't a red-blooded American boy who was raised in the 80's and 90's who didn't emulate the Terminator as a symbol of manhood and toughness.
But, I am sorry Arnold. You are a fuck up.
Allow me to elaborate my position. I am not questioning the moral consequences of marital infedelity. A large percentage of men have affairs at one point, and we come to expect it from rich and powerful men. Like I fucking said, I am speaking from a purely biological sense. Rich and powerful men are typically alpha males, leaders of the pack. We come to expect them to fulfill their evolutionary urgings by spreading their seed throughout the gene pool. HOWEVER, when their standards lapse, we can not support it!
Some examples:
JFK fucked Marilyn Monroe. Well done, Mr President
Bill Clinton fucks Monica Lewinsky. Eww. Just eww.
Tiger Woods fucks a battalion of porn stars and high price call girls. Wow.
Jesse James cheats on Sandra Bullock with a neo-nazi. WTF??
and finally, Arnold knocks up his fat old maid. SERIOUSLY????!!!!????!!!!!
In conclusion, there will always be a certain level of undertsanding on the American public's part on rich men fucking chicks. Even if we scorn and ridicule them in public, deep down in most people their is a compassion for it. BUT, when they start sticking their dicks in fat, ugly, old, and insane bitches, we must draw a line in the sand. We are a country of winners, and to see our idols lowering their standards to the point of disgust is sickening to us.
I am sorry, Arnold. But it's over between us.
Read more...
The Revolution: Under Construction
>> Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Today was supposed to be the day that Drunken Absurdity dot com re-launched with new material, but unfortunantly that will have to wait. I have decided, after the persuasive urgings of our webmaster(my gf), to give the site a whole new look, a complete makeover to make it more professional and more reflective of our styles.
Everyone that is posted on the old site, will of course be on the new one as well. All the submissions I have recieved to this point have been placed into a folder and will absolutely be posted once the facelift is complete. We are 100% still open for submissions. STILL FUCKING OPEN!!!!
The new site will have some new features I am excited about. One will be an Editors page for my personal work to be featured. The second will be my Drunk Chicks! section, whisch I have discussed on here before. So if you are a alt model, cam girl, or just hot chick who likes to drink, get in touch with us!!!
September 1st 2011
We will relaunch a fucking website to be reckoned with. I will be hard at work finding submissions, chicks, and doing interviews, so keep fucking reading and checking in.
Septemeber 1st, motherfuckers
we will mind rape you
Read more...
Bath Salts are drugs now???
>> Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Dr. Jeffrey J. Narmi could not believe what he was seeing this spring in the emergency room at Schuylkill Medical Center in Pottsville, Pa.: people arriving so agitated, violent and psychotic that a small army of medical workers was needed to hold them down.
They had taken new stimulant drugs that people are calling “bath salts,” and sometimes even large doses of sedatives failed to quiet them.
“There were some who were admitted overnight for treatment and subsequently admitted to the psych floor upstairs,” Dr. Narmi said. “These people were completely disconnected from reality and in a very bad place.”
Similar reports are emerging from hospitals around the country, as doctors scramble to figure out the best treatment for people high on bath salts. The drugs started turning up regularly in the United States last year and have proliferated in recent months, alarming doctors, who say they have unusually dangerous and long-lasting effects.
Though they come in powder and crystal form like traditional bath salts — hence their name — they differ in one crucial way: they are used as recreational drugs. People typically snort, inject or smoke them.
Poison control centers around the country received 3,470 calls about bath salts from January through June, according to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, up from 303 in all of 2010.
The rest of the NY Times article here.....
Editor's Note:
What the fuck, America??? How much more proof do lawmakers need to understand that the war on drugs is a vast failure. If you continue marijuana prohibition in this country, a drug that is far safer than alcohol, motherfuckers are going to find more and more dangerous ways to get fucked up. News Flash: Human beings like to get fucked up. You aren't going to stop that by filling our courts and jails with tens of thousands of harmless small time 'criminals' that sell weed, because its a 'gateway drug', ad ignore dangers like this. get your shit together, congress. its time for prohibiton to end, and to make people safe from shit like this and Spice and all the other weird shit kids used to get fucked up these days.
" Pills and powder are not ok, if it grows from the ground organically you are fine"
wise words, wise words Read more...
truly a sad day in schirling history.....
bbq at la casa del schirling
great times yesterday, smoked a 10 lb brisket for 10 hours, during which lots of good friends stopped by for beers, shots, and some epic cornhole matches on our homemade boards. Read more...
You know I love this chick....
>> Friday, July 15, 2011
I'm sitting at the goddamn harry potter premier, the result of a lost bet weeks ago. There is a pint of rum in my back pocket. Godspeed
Drunken Absurdity enters the realm of Google+
>> Thursday, July 14, 2011
got my invite to Google+ today, sooo stoked about it. I am excited to play around with it and offer feedback before it is launched to the general public. For now, invites are going to bloggers, website owners, and other people in the online and tech community; but apparently soon it will open up fulltime. Already I like it better than FB(which I deleted) and Twitter(which I never had, cuz it's gay). Read more...
fuckin fuck fuck
"Hi my name is Adam. I love big boobs, good scotch, and fucked-up writers." end of story
It is getting hard to do anything these days. The next step needs to be taken so badly, but one small, but strong, tether is keeping me sucked down in my present state of being. It has been holding me down so long, I am starting to fear what like will be like without it. Well, not fear. 100% free will will be such an overwhelming sensation. it may drive me crazy. I need to stay focused. Too many forces are pushing me in directions I would rather not go. But it is exhausting fighting them. Is sanity really worth it?
Drunk Chicks????????
>> Tuesday, July 12, 2011
A new idea has been floating around in my head, something new for the Drunken Absurdity site....Drunk Chicks. The goal is to find random cam girls, alt models, or just good ole' girl next door types the world over to be featured Drunk Chicks. Now, I would never try and do what Ben Smith is doing with his amazing HST girls. He has the cash and the exposure, not to mention amazing photogs, to corner that market, and any attempt I would make to go in that light would make me look stupid lol. So, the idea is to recruit some of these chicks, to don a Drunken Absurdity tshirt, and go out to the bars, clubs, and parties and get nice and wasted. I will ask them to take candid photos of themselves at these locales, the drunker the better, and they will be posted to the DA site. In return for their fine efforts, they will get 50 bucks, keep their DA shirts, and get to be featured on the site. All girls would of course be able to submit under fake names hahaha...
what do you think? Any ideas or feedback?
Read more...
Schirlingpalooza 2011!!
>> Saturday, July 9, 2011
Next saturday, at la casa del schirling, we will be hosting a sweet ass rager, with an exclusive guest list. It will be fucking epic
join the Drunken Absurdity street team..
>> Friday, July 8, 2011
New stickers are in, and soon they will be making their way across the globe, getting slapped up in the night on light poles, street signs, sleeping hobos, and store fronts.
If you want to join the street team, and help spread the word of our glorious literary revolution, then drop me an email at drunkenabsurdity@gmail.com, and i will send you out a stack. I only ask that you fearlessly post them up where they will be seen by the masses, and send me a pic of one back.
Big thanks to Ben Smith, Ian Shearer, VL Sheridan, Willis Gordon, Laura Patterson, Arash Frazier, and Austin Grieg for doing such great work with the last round of stickers.
Lets keep this shit going Read more...
Only in America..
>> Thursday, July 7, 2011
I love the awesome arrogance of this sandwich....only some jackass American can come up with the double down....take THAT, high blood pressure
god i miss the ocean...
summer is here in full swing finally, and it makes me hate new england even more. Those who may know me may recall I was at one time a rather fair surfer.I miss the beach, I miss the ocean. But Adam, you might say, you live in the Ocean State!
What a bunch of bullshit that is....Ocean State my ass. The beaches are cold, rocky, full of guidos and red tide that leaves your skin itchy and a rancid, rotten smell in the air. And surfing?? fucking forget it. Douchebag bros pullin up to the 'breaks' in Escalades with a BIC or NSP board strapped to the roof with bungee cords, fin to the rear. Or some rich asshole poser rocking a fully restored showroom quality 50k woodie. And if you can stomach that shit and still try to paddle out, you will find yourself in a lineup FULL of motherfuckers and jackoffs with no knowledge or respect for any sort of surf etiqutte; 10 of them paddling for the same 2ft wave. Surfing used to be a cleansing and spiritual experience for me, where I sat out on the edge of the continent, completely alone and in touch with the ocean. There is no stoke to be found here, none. After all else that I have lost in my personal and professional life, to lose my one healthy outlet for reality is literally killing me.
FUCK YOU New England. You fucking suck, and you know it
WHERE I NEED TO BE:
malibu
rincon
waikiki
my former home break, wrightsville beach
But where I am stuck:
fucking eastons beach. and this is actually a nice picture of it
Read more...
The Revolution is coming back!!
July 18th 2011
the re-launch of Drunken Absurdity dot com
join the revolution of underground writing
or die as the puppets of the establishment
we. are. back.........motherfuckers
Read more...
New article posted on AltReel....
>> Wednesday, July 6, 2011
My latest article, "Now that's what I call a sticky situation", has been posted on AltReel. Give it a read, and leave me some love/hate...
and yes, it is a true story
I'm a crazy fucker sometimes Read more...
strange rumblings on the horizon
>> Tuesday, July 5, 2011
things have grown weird. I look into the mirror lately, and I find myself having a difficult time recognizing the face that stares back at me. Jesus fuck, what happened. In just a few short years how did i transform into this disgusting apparition, this ridiculous parody of my former self.
A job, a major part of who I was, is ending, and it leaves me feeling mixed emotions. Sure in the 8 years of doing this, I have only truly enjoyed 2 of them, but the HOPE was always present, always lingering right past my fingers, of all glories and tribulations that I craved. Now they have been snatched away from me, stolen by a thief in the night. Who is to blame? Myself, most likely, for letting so many others have an influence over my actions. But I can never admit this. It is easier to turn my hatred and scorn on a cold universe populated with the pond scum that is fellow humans.
So, now what?? A dauting task lays ahead of me, that of becoming a normal person. And I don't put much hope in my victory. The thought of getting a job sickens me to my very core, makes me dizzy with hate and fear. the thought of staying in this disgusting hell of a state/region makes me boil with fury directed at a certain hipster cunt.
Almost everything I wanted in my life is either dead or dying, and that is a shit hand of cards, but there it is. Few things keep me sane, or at least stable enough not to drown myself in a shallow bathtub. My children. The love of a crazy woman. the sweet kiss of good scotch. but not hope, no hope has died a bloody and violent death, raped and bludgeoned by those I would have trusted the most. it's purely survial now, purely a desperate struggle to distract myself from the darkness closing in on all sides.
I wish I could meet the me from a few years ago. I would embrace him warmly as an old friend, and whisper warnings in his ear about what was to come. Maybe he would have the strength to do what I know needs to be done, because I do not.
i no longer feel like a man drowning, but a man who has already drowned. I drift along the ocean bottom, trying to avoid being eaten by the shark who is tracking me so coldly and calculating.
Ben Smith and Ian Shearer, I post this for you hahahaha:
Visible in Your Life
With respect to bad Internet behavior, certain individuals are always looking for ways to exploit online material and spark controversy. Many factors have been identified as contributing to the online disinhibition effect. Over the Internet, people are anonymous, which gives a sense of protection that will often bring out dark personality traits. The Internet provides a privacy shield for its users that continually gives people the chance to provide misrepresentations. One can’t be physically seen on the Internet, therefore, people don’t worry about appearance and their overall tone of voice is dramatically lowered.
On the Internet, conversations don’t happen in real time. The delayed nature of the online message board can also affect a person’s inhibitions. Some research suggests that people may see cyberspace as a kind of game in which the normal rules of everyday interaction don’t apply to them. For some unknown reason, an otherwise well-adjusted person, given a captive audience and opportunity, will often exhibit antisocial and psychopathic behavior on the Internet. The online disinhibition effect is concerning, as it shows the true behavior of people who are not governed by law or social consequence.
Editor's note: Fuck the pussies who are willing to be assholes with no names on the internet. Straight bros like Ben, Ian, Me, and those like us choose to utilize the internet to SPREAD our lack of restraint and natural behavior. Anyone who questions this cognitive phenom needs to look no further than the comments board on any fucking YouTube video hahahaha Read more...
Hipsters ain't got shit on me
>> Monday, July 4, 2011
Snapped a pic of the Newport bridge while waiting for the fireworks at Battery Park....
The colors show my inner angst and makes a statement about the contrast between man-made and nature in scenery.Hahahaha, NOT. It's just a sweet pic
Happy fucking birthday America
Let's all reflect our wonderful freedoms and citizenship in the greatest country in the world, while giving thanks to a bunch of rich white people in the 18th century who didn't want to pay their taxes anymore....
America: Fuck Yea
Our new puppy
>> Sunday, July 3, 2011
Miss betty paige
Fuck all you haters...I know what Ur thinking, why does this big tattooed drunk guy got a lil girl puppy. Cause I'm a sensitive motherfucker!! And I will stab you in the neck if you talk shit about my lil puppy!
I'm starving!!!!
>> Saturday, July 2, 2011
Watch "John Pinette - I'm Starvin'!" on YouTube
Seeing john pinette tonight at the Newport Yacht Club.....should be great, I've been drinking scotch since noon...
>> Friday, July 1, 2011
Fuck I love whisky......nectar of the gods......wine is good, gin is good, but scotch.....holy fuck do I love thee...my veins course with the fire falsehoods, and it feels oh so good
My god
This might be the greatest bottle of scotch under $100. No, fuck that, it is. I've never had a scotch with such smokey boutique, and such a sweet lingering aftertaste. I'm in love....
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