Drunken Absurdity

A birthday message from the desk of Adam Schirling

2012-01-29T20:38:00.000-05:00

wow, it has been quite the year.

With the one year anniversary of Drunken Absurdity next month, I thought I would go over some facts:

*Drunken Absurdity averages 400 unique visitors a day

*We have had 56 featured writers & poets, some of whom are the most well recognized names in AltLit

*We sold a little over 400 dollars worth of merchandise, our 1st merch order, in 3 weeks last month

* This site, which is my personal blog and not Drunken Absurdity, has a little under 70,000 views from appx. 46,000 unique visitors. Once again, just my personal blog which I could really give a fuck if people read or not, and exists for my sole amusement.

*By end of summer, we will be fully converted to print magazine, first quarterly then monthly, and will have our 1st short film out, as well as our 1st anthology.

And yet with all this awesome truth, some people still wish to attack our little humble experiment. And I welcome their chastising and heckling, it it music to my ears. Everytime you click on our URL, even if it is to talk shit, it strengthens and empowers us. I am generally amused people would think that some heckling would bother me; I have pissed off enough people in my life to populate a small nation and am quite proud of that. The list is long yet distinguished, like my dick. As I have stated before, if there is someone who would like to comment on what I do, for positive or negative my email is drunkenabsurdity@gmail.com

Thanks for the great first year of Drunken Absurdity, and I look forward to seeing you all, supporters and hecklers included, in the upcoming year. Keep up all the fan mail, support, and submissions.

2012-01-29T19:44:00.002-05:00

The Protest

i believe.....

2012-01-29T13:17:00.000-05:00

In all sorts of paranormal phenomenon, cryptozoology, and unexplained mysteries. While I admire arrogance in some instances, the extreme arrogance of human beings to declare they know every single thing about the natural world is stupidity. While things like Sasquatch and other cryptids are not likely to exist, does not mean it is impossible. And as far as the possibility of intelligent life on other worlds, and civilizations from across the cosmos away visiting us: Well that is just common sense people. We are the tiniest little dot, a speck of sand in a vast expanse of matter and energy so large we cannot comprehend it....And that is just our galaxy!!! There are billions of galaxies!!

To say we are alone is just fucking retarded.

My biggest problems with most people's perception of possible alien life lays with two, what I believe to be utter stupid misconceptions. One, that aliens would basically resemble us; two arms, two legs, two eyes, a nose and mouth. Simple humanoid type features. The way we look has been the careful result of millions of years of evolution, a unique process based on every aspect of our enviroment on Earth. Why the hell would some being from a million light years away look like us? They could be an intelligent bacterium. Or some sort of insectoid. Or they may not even exist in the 3 dimensions that we are aware of, they could exist in 5 dimensions so we would only see part of them at a time.

My second problem is that we assume that because of the aliens advanced technology they are peaceful and enlightened. Now THAT is fucking retarded. The 20th century marked a 100 year span where human beings experienced the most technological growth in 10,000 years, making incredible discoveries in scienece and industry. It was ALSO the bloodiest century in human history. Technology advances do not equate peace and love, in fact the brutal truth is the opposite occurs.

So, if you choose to not believe in anything beyond the scope of your logical comprehension, good for you. But do not belittle those who search for the truth behind some of our greatest mysteries...

Hey fuckstick

2012-01-27T16:11:00.001-05:00

I don't know who you are leaving negative comments under an anonymous tag, but I will mark all your stupid remarks as spam, none will be posted, and my email address is Drunkenabsurdity@gmail if you have something you just need to tell me. Fucking cowardly internet nerds.

i legit get teary eyed when I realize I will never see Thursday live again

2012-01-27T13:56:00.001-05:00

goodbye to a big part of my childhood.....

im a wanker

2012-01-26T15:15:00.003-05:00

truly the best flattery

2012-01-26T00:29:00.001-05:00

Tonight the DA blog was bombarded by the best of all internet cliches: the anonymous commenter shit talking. I truly hope you feel that your 14 comments made you feel big and tough in some way while you hide behind the mask of internet obscurity. Go fuck yourself back to your little hole somewhere. You are no doubtly some sort of fucking tool I have offended somehow, and your idiotic commentary does nothing to me, so go try to start shit elsewhere. Drunken Absurdity has been and continues to be a smashing success, and is not eager to please morons. Go to hell

fucking truth

2012-01-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

Ask anybody out there, and they'll tell you that the foundation of a great professional writer starts with an understanding of some basic fundamentals. Essay structure, vocabulary, typing skills, rough drafts, outlines, writers workshops...... These are the things that prepare your mind for the many challenges a professional writer faces. I heard that bullshit thrown at me all my damn life. You know what Adam Schirling says? Fundamentals are the crutch for the talentless.

With that said, I have decided to focus all my attention in 2012 on Drunken Absurdity becoming the giant that I know it can be. And not sitting in a classroom listening to some failed novelist drone on about proper paragraph structure, sitting next to some Thoreau worshipping hipster in skinny jeans earnestly taking notes to become the next failed novelist. I don't need to be around losers like that. Adam Schirling is a fucking bulletproof tiger, and it is time to nut up or shut up. I got this alternative lit world wet, time to bend the bitch over and make her cum

No Guts No Glory

I normally dig you Marky Mark, but you fucked up now

2012-01-24T12:50:00.001-05:00

New Drunken Absurdity feature

2012-01-23T16:16:00.000-05:00

New little section of DA. The Angry Average Bro Rant page. The newest and greatest will be on Drunken Absurdity itself, with all the others stored on our YouTube channel for viewing. Have some shit to say? Email me at Drunkenabsurdity@gmail for info on how to submit

2012-01-20T18:09:00.001-05:00

2012-01-20T18:02:00.001-05:00

the facial hair goal now being worked on

2012-01-20T09:21:00.002-05:00

true love found in a letter from Henry Miller to Anais

2012-01-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

“Anaïs, I don't know how to tell you what I feel. I live in perpetual expectancy. You come and the time slips away in a dream. It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence. And then it is too late. You numb me. This is a little drunken, Anaïs. I am saying to myself "here is the first woman with whom I can be absolutely sincere." I remember your saying - "you could fool me, I wouldn't know it." When I walk along the boulevards and think of that. I can't fool you - and yet I would like to. I mean that I can never be absolutely loyal - it's not in me. I love women, or life, too much - which it is, I don't know. But laugh, Anaïs, I love to hear you laugh. You are the only woman who has a sense of gaiety, a wise tolerance - no more, you seem to urge me to betray you. I love you for that.
I don't know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle. I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it. You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery. It seems aristocratic to me.”

Hank Hill Hates Dubstep!! Fuck yea!

2012-01-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

stupid fucking music

Make your voice heard people!!

2012-01-18T08:16:00.000-05:00

The disgusting and Hollywood establishment driven SOPA and PIPA is actually being considered by the US Congress. If you are a true American, contact your reps immediately and tell them you oppose this uneccesary big government overkill! This ridiculous legislation would effectively end the internet as you know it!

Click the official Google petition link below and educate yourself on this outrage, and fill out their petition. This is one of those moments where true Americans must oppose big goverment intruding on our very lives.

SIGN THE GOOGLE PETITION HERE, STOP SOPA!!!!

An amazing show on a Tues night in Pawtucket

2012-01-18T00:50:00.004-05:00

Last week my email suddenly alerted me to an upcoming show at the Met in Pawtucket. There has been a slow go of it lately for us RI residents. I grew up in Las Vegas, used to seeing shows once a week at The Huntridge, The Castle, The HOB, and The Joint. Now, at 27 years old I am lucky to see a 1/2 dozen shows a year; especially stranded here in the Northeast. But yet, here was an alert that Chris Conley would be playing at the Met.

Let me explain my history with this amazing artist. I was 14 when I first bought a Saves the Day CD. I instantly loved them, and they have remained in my top 5 favorite bands since then. In my late teens, they was an influx of STD shows at the HOB, and every one endeared me to the band more. It was always a joke that STD was really the "Chris Conley Show" as the members have been swapped and replaced so many times over the years. But none of that mattered. As awesome as the various STD alumni were, Chris always remained the driving talent and influence of the band.

Fast forward a few years, and here I am living in Providence, RI for reasons familiar to my readers. I'm no longer the hungry eager scene kid I was a decade ago. I have kids of my own now. I have been to war. But still when shows come come, I always try my best to make it out. I suppose there will reach an age one day when I blatantly stick out of the crowd as that 'old guy' still going to the shows, and earn a head shake of pity from the new crowd; but at 27 I am not quite there yet thankfully. I saw Chris play last year at the Middle East in Boston with the "Where's The Band Tour". This amazing show had Chris, Dustin from Thrice, Anthony from Bayside, and Matt from the Get Up Kids playing acoustic sets in a small, basement venue that brought me back to the Huntridge shows on my youth. I left Boston that night thinking that seeing Chris Conley in that light was a once in a lifetime experience.....

But then, here I was on a warm winter night in 2012 standing in a small venue in Pawtucket, RI waiting for the man himself to come on stage. When I bought the tickets, I was not TOO familiar with the opening bands, but I was pleasantly surprised with both "The Roman Numeral Three" and "The Northern Lands". Great bands, from Taunton and Providence, respectfully, they played energetic sets of catchy and likeable, albeit sometimes simple songs. But aren't those always the best songs that fans of such local bands love? Of particular note was "The Last of the Shipbuilders" by "Northern Lands". An amazing tune of good depth that portrayed both the feeling of desperation of the recession and the talent of the band.

At ten pm, the main event came on. A single wooden chair was put onstage, and out emerged Mr. Conley; looking not that different than he has in any other show of the past decade I have watched. My friends and I always joked that Chris didn't ever age past 21, and seeing him this close tonight made me laugh and think of those drunk conversations. Then something unexpected happen....

Conley had put on his Twitter feed earlier that he would be taking requests. I thought this would be limited to one fan request he would pick out from his TL. But then, he sat in the chair, looked into a small sea of eager faces, and asked for requests. And the fans reacted with a roar, your humble narrator included. The third song he played ended up being " Sell My Old Clothes", my absolute favorite and a song I have not heard live since 2010 when Saves the Day opened for NFG in Vegas. The rest of the show ended up being an amazing selection of songs from the band's extensive catalog, filled with B-sides and fan faves. The energy of the crowd was electric, and even the random people who had wandered in curious as to who Conley was were sweating and swaying with the crowd by the time the last song was played 90 mins after taking the stage.

Even 12 years after first seeing an amazing band called Saves the Day play in my hometown, Chris Conley remains an artist of the people. I have never seen a singer/songwriter who seemed so in tune with his fans, and eager to please their demands. An amazing show tonight for sure, and I look forward to (hopefully!) another 12 years of watching Chris and the band play my favorite songs.

Editors note: Chris, if you are reading, thank you for playing "Sell my old Clothes" and "Holly Hox", my absolute favorites, and they meant a lot to me.

2012-01-17T10:29:00.001-05:00

Wanna see something that will mess you up?

2012-01-16T15:52:00.001-05:00

Check out a video of this Buck Angel(born female)

having sex with Allanah Starr(born male)

so if you are keeping score boys and girls, thats just normal MF hetero porn. Or is it???

YouPorn - Man with pussy and a shemale

2012-01-16T06:21:00.000-05:00

"Lo there do I see my Father
Lo there do I see my Mother, my Sisters and my Brothers
Lo there do I see the line of my people
Back to the beginning
Calling me to join Them
Bidding me to take my place among Them
In the Halls of Valhalla

Where the brave
May live
Forever."

i have always wanted to be in one

2012-01-16T03:00:00.000-05:00

A Mexican standoff is most precisely a confrontation between three opponents, facing each other. The tactics for such a confrontation are substantially different than for a duel with only two opponents, where the first to shoot has the advantage. In a confrontation with three mutually hostile participants, the first to shoot is at a tactical disadvantage. If opponent A shoots opponent B, then while so occupied, opponent C can shoot A, thus winning the conflict. Since it is the second opponent to shoot that has the advantage, no one wants to go first.

In popular usage, the Mexican standoff is sometimes used to refer to confrontations with only two opponents. Discussions of the Soviet Union – United States nuclear confrontation during the Cold War frequently used the term, specifically in reference to the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962.

In financial circles, the Mexican Standoff is typically used to connote a situation where one side wants something, like a concession of some sort, and is offering nothing of value, and the other side sees no value in agreeing to any changes so refuses to negotiate. Although both sides can benefit from the change, neither side can agree to a compensation value for agreeing to the change, and nothing is accomplished.

This expression came into usage during the last decade of the 19th century; the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary makes an unattributed claim that the term is of Australian origin

A confession

2012-01-15T18:12:00.003-05:00

who deserves the paycheck more????

A lot of people are shocked around this time of year when I have to explain to them that I do not watch football. " but Adam!", they say, "you're a big old boy, played sports your whole life, why no football?"....and the truth is: I don't watch any sports. At least not professional ones. And I will tell you why. How much does the average 21 yr old Marine corporal in Afghanistan make? About 30k a year. How.much does the average 21 yr old NFL rookie make? 500k a year. Let that sink in. That rookie drafted from a Division 2 school makes a half million a year, and probably will see very little playing time, why the corporal will spend 7 months a year in constant danger of a violent death on the battlefield, and the rest of the year away from friends and family training to go BACK to the battlefield. Does the NFL rookie have amazing talent? Undoubted. But who says THAT'S a better talent then the corporal who keeps America safe every night, on long, weary patrols while you sleep? Professional sports used to be filled with people who made very little money and had a legit love of the game, traveling on shitty buses and making just enough to feed families; looking forward to a life of injuries, no pension, and the slight hope of a coaching job. Now it is just bitchy millionaires involved in steroid scandals, domestic abuse, and dog fighting. The entire system is disgusting and corrupt, and I refuse to be a part of it. You can post about that creepy virgin Tebow all day long, I would rather post about that Corporal who is going to die in a firefight tonight: broke,scared, and far from home. Go fuck yourself, all contemporary pop-puke spewing Americans. You literally make me sick.

2012-01-15T15:19:00.003-05:00

Hipster marketing ploy

2012-01-15T09:36:00.000-05:00

Look Caleb and Chloe, if you buy some shitty Irish whiskey (i.e. NOT Jameson) and share it with your newfound urban compadres, they will accept you, and not shun you for your 110lb skinny jean wearing, Whole Foods shopping, rent-rasing, artisan coffee drinking gentrifying ways!!!!!!

Hey Bushmills: FUCK YOU

you filthy fucking beasts. you whores. you disgusting pigs.

Your whiskey was never really good, and now you just prove the pure filth of your product by desperately reaching out with ads proclaiming an alliance can be made between Lil Ole Josh&Molly Urban Pioneer and the true inhabitants of the American inner city. Rot in hell, you piece of shit scumbags

shitty quality, but SNL takes a great roundhouse kick at Hipsters, while also slipping in a slight jab at the online community

2012-01-15T09:21:00.000-05:00

2012-01-15T08:12:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to a true American legend

2012-01-14T11:44:00.000-05:00

Norman Keith Collins (January 14, 1911 - June 12, 1973) was a prominent American tattoo artist who was also known as "Sailor Jerry”

Collins was born on January 14, 1911 in Reno, Nevada. As a child he hopped freight trains across the country and learned tattooing from a man named "Big Mike" from Palmer, Alaska. Practicing on drifters, he later sailed the Pacific Ocean before settling in Hawaii. A big brute with a dirty mouth, he often wore plain white T-shirts that exposed his ink-sleeved arms. Mike Malone, who took over Sailor Jerry's shop after he died, described Jerry as "a class-A pirate".

At age 19 Collins enlisted in the United States Navy. During his subsequent travels at sea he was exposed to the art and imagery of Southeast Asia. He remained a sailor for his entire life thereafter. Even during his career as a tattoo artist he worked as a licensed skipper of a large three-masted schooner, on which he conducted tours of the Hawaiian Islands. Sailing and tattooing were only two of his professional endeavors. He played saxophone in his own dance band and for years frequently hosted his own radio show on KTRG, where he lectured against the impending downfall of the American political system through the infiltration of liberals. He was a prolific writer and carried on in-depth communications with many pen-pals throughout the world.

Legacy of Sailor Jerry

Collins entrusted his artwork to his two protégés, Ed Hardy and Mike Malone, both of whom have become prominent figures in their own right. Hardy, who turned down an MFT scholarship to Yale in order to pursue tattooing, is known for his artistic sophistication and large-scale tattoos. He is frequently ridiculed for selling his work rights to Christian Audigier, who bastardized and manipulated tattoo culture to create a mockery of a product line adored by guidos and douchebags the world over. Malone, who designed under the name "Rollo Banks", and was known for his conceptual boldness and distinctive designs, died in 2007. After passing, Mike Malone passed on his rights to the Sailor Jerry artwork estate to a talented Chicago artist, Keith Underwood. Keith Underwood was the man who inked tattoos #3-8 on me, Adam Schirling in 2004; and I am proud to say that 4 of them were Sailor Jerry original flash.

Norman Collins is buried in the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific, a military cemetery located in Punchbowl Crater in Honolulu. His grave site is 124/Section T.

2012-01-14T08:16:00.001-05:00

soooo stoked

2012-01-13T14:45:00.002-05:00

Seeing Chris Conley play solo and acoustic this tuesday the 17th @ the met

truth

2012-01-13T09:46:00.001-05:00

legends

2012-01-12T20:19:00.000-05:00

one of my fav AVA songs, from their sophmore album I-Empire

2012-01-12T20:05:00.000-05:00

Shelby Devine is online!

2012-01-12T17:27:00.000-05:00

Our dear friend and ally Shelby Devine is online! Be sure to start following her on all her pages and feeds to keep in touch and up to date with the hottest adult entertainer in New England!

Shelby Devine FB page

Shelby Devine Twitter

Shelby Devine blog

some raw shots from SinFest last night

2012-01-12T17:15:00.000-05:00

Great time last night, made a lot of good friends and contacts in the local fetish and erotica community. Big thanks to Stefano Pella, the owner of the event, for being so awesome about introducing to me to everyone; to Suki Jones for designing such great fetishwear; to our bartender LaDiva for keeping the drinks coming strong, and Faye Finegan for chatting with us. Also big thanks to the very kind gay man who hugged me and called me adorable, sorry we couldn't have a drink before I left. You can read my full article on the event on Classy Fetish in the very near future.

A tribute to great breasts of the past

2012-01-11T11:36:00.002-05:00

Chesty Morgan, born Lillian Wilczkowsky, is a Polish-born Jewish American exotic dancer who starred in two films directed by Doris Wishman.

Morgan married an American and moved to the United States in the 1960s; her husband was later reportedly killed in a robbery.She began her career as an exotic dancer in the early 1970s.

In 1974, Morgan married National League baseball umpire Dick Stello. The two divorced before Stello was struck by a car and killed.

Unlike many of the modern adult entertainment stars with large breasts, Morgan's were not augmented with implants. According to the 1988 edition of Guinness Movie Facts & Feats, her bust measurement of 73 inches is the largest on record for a film star.

Morgan continued performing until the late 1980s. After Doris Wishman revolved two sexploitation 1970s films around Morgan's very large breasts, clips from those films were featured in John Waters' 1994 film, Serial Mom. Waters also wrote a role for Morgan in his never-made feature Flamingos Forever.

Now retired, she lives in Florida.

Adam Schirling: Erotic Correspondent

2012-01-09T20:27:00.000-05:00

The good people at the New England Leather Alliance have sent me a press pass for the annual Fetish Fashion Show and Ball they are hosting the second weekend of Febuary here in Providence. I will be attending the weekend festivities as an official correspondent(gonzo style of course) for Classy Fetish, a west coast erotica site ran by the beautiful Alexis Jakobs. Should be a great time, if you are in the RI area, should stop by and check it out!

New England Leather Alliance

2012-01-09T20:17:00.001-05:00

2012-01-09T20:15:00.001-05:00

2012-01-09T20:11:00.001-05:00

2012-01-08T09:25:00.000-05:00

“As things stand now, I am going to be a writer. I'm not sure that I'm going to be a good one or even a self-supporting one, but until the dark thumb of fate presses me to the dust and says 'you are nothing', I will be a writer.”

sweet white boy moves

2012-01-06T06:21:00.003-05:00

2012-01-04T05:55:00.001-05:00

Adam Schirling's views on fetish and kink: Featured on Classy Fetish

2012-01-03T18:40:00.002-05:00

"EDITORS NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN EXCLUSIVELY FOR CLASSY FETISH, AN AMAZING SITE ABOUT MODERN KINK AND FETISH FOUNDED AND ADMINISTERED BY THE TALENTED AND LOVELY ALEXIS JAKOBS. SHE RETAINS ALL PUBLICATION RIGHTS TO THIS PIECE. "

A MODERN MANS VIEW OF KINK AND FETISH

I wasn’t very old when I realized I was a bit different, sexually. At 11 yrs.’ old, when most of my peers were glancing furtively at a stolen Playboy, I was sneaking Hustlers and Club magazines from the homes of friends whose parents were much more sexually accepting than my own. The female form fascinated me, its lines and curves, its valleys and crevices, the haunting and primal whisperings of something dark and forbidden. But, unlike most of my pubescent friends, simply seeing a naked woman wasn’t enough. When I was 14 years old, I first saw the pictures of Betty Paige that changed my sexual thoughts. They weren’t the cutest pics of Betty smiling on a beach, skimpy bikini and bright sunshine. No, they were the dark ones. The ones where she was clad in silk stockings, with a ball gag, and restraints. When you see BDSM porn these days, those pics were quite vanilla. They simply showed a beautiful girl bound and gagged, sometimes crawling or being playfully swatted by another girl-next-door type. Truly nothing compared to the anal prolapse and burning wax porn that fills such sites these days. But that was the whole key to their very revolutionary existence. Before then, despite rare stag films, such images were considered disgusting and immoral. And young Adam viewed them in breathless fascination, his mind exploding with sexual possibilities beyond what was shown in PG-13 movies. My feelings of sexual identity were further blown far from mainstream when at 15 years old; I convinced a girl I barely knew to pleasure herself with a carrot while I watched. That moment stands transfixed in my mind as the day that I knew that mediocre sexual existence simply would not do for me. Unfortunately, and I am afraid to say: as usual, I belonged to a religion that relied highly upon the suppression of ones urges. And for a small part of my adolescence, I tried hard to adhere to the well-intentioned but deplorable practices of my church. I felt guilty for my thoughts on Sunday mornings, though the night before I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend on her satin sheet clad bed. At one point I even made a declaration to be strict about my feelings, and reject such impure thoughts. At 18 years of age, I developed strong feelings for a young, beautiful girl from my church. With her, I foolishly thought, I could achieve that monogamous bliss that was preached from our pulpit. She was the first girl I ever ‘loved’ with pure intentions. Then one fateful night, I happened to cut through the church parking lot with some friends after a movie, and caught a glimpse of her giving a blowjob to a guy in her car. For weeks, my heart wrenched in hatred and the angst of betrayal. But then, one morning I woke up, and ‘IT’ was quite clear to me: That before any religious oath, or supposed moral persuasions, sex is the only thing that matters deep down in our souls. Now, I don’t mean at all to say that cheating is part of human biology, I feel that to be a cop out. Rather, this was the first time in my life that I truly realized just how important sexual adventure was to our very being. And at that point I abandoned my short lived life of morality, and adopted one where accepting ones sexual desires was the first priority. And it has been through this life I have learned much of myself and much of human nature. I have had drunken one night stands, paid sexual encounters with ‘ladies of the night’, drug induced sweaty coitus with strippers in seedy clubs, random and laughably strange sessions with complete strangers, and organized meetings with needy women from Craigslist ads. I am even ashamed to admit that I have had sex with the spouses of other men who just wished an honest encounter. With my age and supposed wisdom now, I know just how wrong that was, but at the time I felt that no sexual experience should be denied. And for every encounter I regret, there are 100 I am confident helped me create the sexual identity I know today. It was through this deep spiritual understanding that I finally cast aside a selfish and prudish spouse, who had no understanding or appreciation of human sexual nature, to find the love of my life: the very first woman who I feel truly respects sexuality. Now I say none of this to brag, or seem a foolish ass, but to affirm my belief that respecting the nuances of human sexuality has helped create who I am as a person. It is ok to not be vanilla. It is ok to like to see leather clad women being whipped; it’s ok to enjoy seeing nuns have sex with midgets, or a tranny ejaculating on a woman’s feet. As long as sexual experiences are approved by both (or all) parties involved, the sky is literally the limit. To judge someone over what they find sexually exciting is the most shallow and ridiculous type of ridicule; even surpassing religious or racial bigotry. As long as the sexual acts in person do not harm anyone (who isn’t willing to be harmed of course), to attack someone on what makes them cum is just sickening. We are a society of people who has been on this planet for tens of thousands of years. We accomplished amazing and impossible feats of science, technology, and the arts. We have put men on the moon, cured disease, created gadgets that would make any scientist of the past thousand years scream witchcraft. But yet, despite all this achievement and enlightenment, we continue to judge our fellow humans for their sexuality. We pass laws prohibiting sexuality we (and by we, I mean the religious right) find confusing or deplorable. And nothing, my fellow perverts, makes me sadder. True Enlightment for us as a species will not come from the next scientific breakthrough, or the newest mind boggling gadget, or the next alien planet we step foot on. No, true harmony for us will exist in accepting all others around us for ALL beliefs and passions, whether in gods, or in the bedroom. We are at the cusp of a brave new future, my friends, and I encourage you all to embrace whatever kink you hold sacred. To love just whoever you want you love. And to take to bed whatever person or persons will make you truly happy. For when the sands of time catch up to us all, don’t we want to be able to say that we loved, laughed, fought, AND fucked without any reservation at all? Go forth, friends, go forth into perverted Nirvana, and do not stop for a second to worry about the judgment of your fellow man. For us all, at the end of eternity, just wish to be happy and loved.

to see more amazing content on all things kink and fetish, and more of this lovely lady, Ms. Alexis X. Jakobs: check out her site Classy Fetish

Fuck Yea!!!

2012-01-03T15:02:00.000-05:00

Our very own Ms. Shelby Devine caught at the gas station wearing her DA colors! Way to go Shelby!! If any of you folks are ever in Rhode Island, be sure to check her out as a Featured Dancer at Club Fantasies in Providence!

classic

2012-01-03T09:53:00.002-05:00

2012-01-03T09:39:00.000-05:00

I am Ripper...

Tearer...

Slasher...

Gouger.

I am the Teeth in the Darkness,

the Talons in the Night.

Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power!

I AM THE SCHIRLING!

New DA model!

2012-01-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

Here is a raw sneak preview of the shoot with our newest DA model: Marilyn Misery

The full edited spread will be up on Drunken Absurdity very soon! This sexy vixen will also adorn our next round of Drunken Absurdity posters. Stay tuned you filthy fuckers!

we need to get this happening asap...

2012-01-01T19:00:00.000-05:00

The Drunken Absurdity 1st anniversary bash is this spring, and no worries loyal fans, I am on the warpath to make sure it is a night to remember. The biggest item on the plate: get a nude female mud wrestling contest.

updates to follow.....

A friendly New Years message from our friend the Marine, on Action Figure Therapy

2012-01-01T11:23:00.002-05:00

A New Years Eve Message from you dear ole' Uncle Adam

2011-12-31T10:17:00.001-05:00

Well, it is that time of the year again. The time we reflect on the past year, and turn hopeful eyes to the calendar, with grand aspirations of the upcoming year. We vow to be better people, to lose weight, to care more for the needy and disabled, to read more books, to finally profess our love to that one special someone who doesn't care we exist...Ahhh, a truly beautiful time of year.

Who the fuck are you people kidding. You will go to the gym for about the next 3 weeks before you remember you hated working out, and it's back to the buffet for you. Donating a couple old shirts to Salvation Army is not caring for the poor. And that bitch/asshole doesn't know you exist for a reason: You probably suck.

According to conspiracy theorists who don't know how to pick up a fucking book, the world will end next December. Let's just pray that those morons who give true paranoid skeptics a bad name will just off themselves the night before the alleged Armageddon.

So, we have determined you a lying ass for your list of retarded cliche resolutions. But do not despair! Your humble writer, Adam the Schirling, will share with you the key to making this New Years one to remember:

DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

Let me repeat that.

DO WHATEVER YOU FUCKING WANT

Make this final day of the year, the day that you redeem yourself for your past 364 days of being a wussy cog in the wheel of life. You ever have sex with a hooker guys? Then go do it. You ever give a blowjob to a random stranger at the movies girls? Then go do it. Ever done drugs? Try them. Ever drink for breakfast? Fucking do it! Abstained from tattoos fearing job-search consequences? GET A FUCKING TATTOO.

Let's face it, Monday morning most of you people will go back to being your boring law-abiding selves. Not Today. Today is the day you throw all caution to the wind, and do all those dirty, dangerous, crazy things that are brewing deep deep down in your heart. Fuck the consequences. Consequences are for people that give a shit, and today YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

So, go bungee jumping, rent a Ferrari and take it out on the open freeway with a song blaring and a glove compartment full of blow. Flip off that annoying neighbor, take a piss in the street, pierce your nipples, break that stupid vase on the bookshelf, and try blow fish sushi.

You have between right this moment and midnight to make all your nasty urges a reality. Embrace life. Embrace the absolute absurdity of the human experiment. And be exactly who you really are, without a concern for parents, employers, vanilla friends, and security guards.

Happy Fucking New Years to you all. I will see you on the flip side, with not only a hangover and a sheepish grin, but a mischievous twinkle in the eye.

Your friend,

Adam Schirling

Editor in Chief

Drunken Absurdity

Hahaha

2011-12-30T14:48:00.001-05:00

DA announces its endorsement for 2012: Ron Paul for President!

2011-12-30T09:53:00.001-05:00

We have waited a while to decide our official endorsement for President of these United States in 11 months. And that canidate is Ron Paul. My love of Mr. Paul swayed over the past couple of years, as he seemed to start losing grasp of his strong Libertarian roots(and as a car carrying member of the libertarian party, I was dismayed). But I was wrong to despair, Ron's beliefs are as strong as ever. Unlike most non-democrats, I feel that Obama has done some great things for this country, taking over during a 2 front war and a recession. But I think the honeymoon is over, and people unfairly expected him to change the world. Every other Republican canidate is disgusting and deplorable to endorse.(really, America: Newt Gingrich??!) Bachmann is a crazy racist bitch, Romney a sleazy zombie, Gingrich a gay bashing asshole, and Santorum....well, he is Rick Santorum. Fuck em all. Ron Paul is the crazy game changing sonofabitch that this country needs right now. We just need to give him the chance.

resolutions

2011-12-29T09:31:00.000-05:00

NEW YEARS FUCKING RESOLUTIONS

PUBLISH TWO CHAPBOOKS BY JUNE

FINISH SCREENPLAY FOR JAMES BRESSACK, MAKE SWEET MOVIE

CONVERT DA INTO A PRINT MAG

MAKE A PORN VERSION OF NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

BUY A CADILLAC

FOR CMM AND I TO HAVE AT LEAST 12 3SOMES, AND 2 4SOMES(fffm OF COURSE)

START MY LEG SLEEVES

GET ONE CELEBRITY TO WEAR A DA SHIRT IN PUBLIC

FINISH AND PUBLISH THE DA COOKBOOK

MAKE FUN OF EVERY HIPSTER AND STRAIGHT EDGE LAMEASS THAT I MEET

FIND A MIDGET FRIEND

CONTINUE MY LEGACY OF AWESOMENESS AND WINNING

Sale on merchandise!

2011-12-27T14:05:00.001-05:00

Today only! If you buy a shirt on the Drunken Absurdity store, get 5 stickers for free!!!! Buy 5 stickers, get 5 for free!!!!!! Buy some merch and support our revolution!
Drunken Absurdity Store

2011-12-26T18:45:00.001-05:00

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." ~ John Stuart Mill

Ha

2011-12-26T13:37:00.001-05:00

If you are an able bodied American male, and have not served in combat over the course of the two-front decade long War on Terror......well, you sir are pretty much without any balls or manhood whatsoever, and should just change your name to a chicks asap

i will always love Explosions in the Sky

2011-12-21T14:29:00.001-05:00

yup

2011-12-20T21:40:00.003-05:00

I want the whole world or nothing

2011-12-20T00:03:00.001-05:00

60,000 views as of today! Keep it up! Keep drinking, keep smoking, but most importantly: keep fucking reading

The Drunken Absurdity store is open for business!

2011-12-19T19:37:00.000-05:00

Official Drunken Absurdity Merchandise

Willis Gordon does it again

2011-12-19T15:58:00.001-05:00

Stop by Drunken Absurdity and read Willis Gordons latest piece on his political column. He has some great words about the current status of the Republican presidential nominee race. Brilliant work

Torn and Frayed

the very worst crime that can be committed in the literature world...

2011-12-19T12:41:00.000-05:00

Often on Drunken Absurdity we lash out against those of low moral fortitude. Hipsters. Straight Edge morons. Fake artists and poser philosophers. Self proclaimed photographers armed with intsagram taking sepia shots of their beer and rhubarb cupcake. Just the very worst of the supposed artistic community.

But today, we will discuss something far worse. A crime committed by only the very lowest slime of the Earth. I speak of plagiarism. There is nothing more horrific than a plagaristic writer.

Now, sure sometimes I will throw up a blog post or Facebook status, heavily re quoting Wikipedia, or Kenny Powers, or other such nonsense. That is ok. Some purists will claim that too is plagiarism, but come on people, in the digital age of information sharing a un attributed quote or wikipedia fact is sure to pop up from time to time.

I am talking about the utter criminals that steal other writers works, rearrange a few small details, and then try to market and sell the product as their own. This is a sin that is unforgivable.

One of our very own Drunken Absurdity revolutionaries has recently fallen victim to this blatant theft. Jacey Lane Deville is a talented writer, with a flair for the written word that is extremely hard to come by in this world. And that very charisma and power that resonates from her words made her a target for plagiarism. A fellow 'writer' by the name of SM Garcia has systematically and methodically stolen work from Jacey for some time now, being reckless at first with it, and being caught early. But then she has learned to be more coy with her actions, hiding her thieves tracks well. But the truth will always come to light in these circumstances, and it has again now.The ugly head of dishonesty and insecurity has reared itself back, and revealed its fangs to the world. After being caught, she has reacted with threats of violence and horrid comments towards the victim.

This aggression will not stand. I am announcing that Drunken Absurdity, in all of its small pull in this crazy world of ezines and small press literature, is officially condemning SM Garcia for her deplorable actions, and encouraging ALL of our readers to boycott and speak out against this supposed writer. We call on SM Garcia to defend her actions in an open forum, and face her accusers. We suspect she will just continue her verbal slanders and idle threats. If you are a true writer, Ms. Garcia, and want your named cleared, then accept this invitation for rebuttal. If you pen a heartfelt and sincere apology for all the criminality you have made Ms. Deville suffer, and offer explanations for your actions, we will be supportive of you moving forward as a writer in redemption. If you insist on staying this path, we will continue to call for boycotts on every one of your works, and will send this message to our very numerous readers and fellow writers/publishers that dot the entire globe.

Come forward. Be held accountable. And do the right thing.

These are a few of my favorite things.....

2011-12-18T11:16:00.000-05:00

buffalo wings

home

strippers

whiskey

my job

boobs

rat rods (this summer hopefully!!!!!)

steak

surfing(even though I am stuck in this surf-less state)

tattoos

and more important than all of the above, my old lady, Courtney Marie. I love her so much it is literally painful

DA models doing big things in the world...

2011-12-17T10:44:00.001-05:00

Check out our very own DA model Gigi Marie as a featured girl on Cannabis Cuties!!!

If you don't love Gigi Marie, then you can go fuck yourself. We are lucky to have her here at DA!

GiGi Kush

just brilliant, listen to the guitar riffs

2011-12-17T10:36:00.002-05:00

2011-12-17T10:06:00.001-05:00

ohh bettie

2011-12-17T10:03:00.002-05:00

just awesome

2011-12-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

whats a man to do??

2011-12-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

the other day I watched a porn where a midget, a tranny, and a babysitter triple-teamed a dude in a hottub. How the hell am I ever supposed to go back to Playboy after THAT???

A bit different than my normal fare

2011-12-16T08:56:00.000-05:00

with the war in Iraq officially ending yesterday, I have written an article on my thoughts and reflections as a combat veteran. Please leave love/hate comments on the bottom of the page, you can post a comment at the end of the article. If you are a Marine or Sailor I served with, I am particularly interested in your feedback, whether positive or negative, so please do comment. This article was a bit difficult to write, and took a bit out of me, so I hope you enjoy. -Adam

We Burn The Fat Off Our Souls

for my brothers in 3/6...Welcome Home

2011-12-15T14:12:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite movie scenes from all time. Awesome speech in the bank

2011-12-14T15:11:00.002-05:00

A must-see for any true drinker

2011-12-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had the supreme privilege to watch the Discovery Channel doc, How Beer Saved The World. Like me, I am sure many of you true, loyal drinkers have to deal with the scourge of straight edge and AA meeting commandos who cannot wait to spout off propaganda about the dangers and perils of drinking. TV is full of shows like 'Intervention" who love to show you the horrors of alcohol use. Like many of you, I constantly meet people who wish nothing more than to make me feel ashamed, guilt ridden for our thirst. Now, us loyal true drinkers, finally have scientific proof that not only is alcohol amazing, but beer itself has created the civilization that we know today. It was the accidental creation of beer, a thousand years before bread, that stopped humanity from a lifestyle of hunter-gatherer status, and begin to settle and farm, which led to the development of mathematics. Beer production in ancient Egypt helped build the pyramids, and it was recently discovered, an accidental byproduct of Ancient Egyptian beer was the creation of Tetracycline, a powerful antibiotic not discovered until 1948. So, yes, beer saved lives. It was the running out of beer on the Mayflower that caused the pilgrims to land at Plymouth Rock, instead of their intended destination, Virgina. It was the production of beer bottles that led to the first assembly line, which ended child labor in the US. These and countless other amazing facts are readily available in this well researched and humorously made film, which helps us restore pride as loyal true drinkers. Take THAT you fucking teetotalers.

I highly recommend getting on Netflix or Hulu and educating yourself on

"How Beer Saved the World"

i will meet one day big guy

2011-12-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

2011-12-13T15:05:00.001-05:00

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working
At a nine to five pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

2011-12-13T12:13:00.001-05:00

fucking congrats to GNR for the 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction

2011-12-10T08:38:00.000-05:00

ram jam

2011-12-10T08:34:00.000-05:00

with great beard comes great responsibility

2011-12-09T09:59:00.000-05:00

ole sid says it best

2011-12-08T16:38:00.002-05:00

BUY MY SHIT!!!!

2011-12-06T13:09:00.002-05:00

Hey DA Fans, we finally have our small intial merch inventory ready to rock, just working on getting the PayPal widget set up on the site. We will have shirts for $15, 8.5x11 posters for $8, and stickers for $2. Unfortunantly since I am barely turning a profit as is, I can't offer any 'friend discount' or anything at this time, but we hope in the near future when we increase inventory to offer a contributor discount. HOWEVER, if you are a chick and order a shirt, if you send me a pic of you rocking the shirt in a bar, or a risque-ish webcam/cell phone shot of you in the shirt, I will send you back 3 bucks. After the holidays, if all goes as planned, we will be adding hoodies for $30, hats for $15, and panties for $10. If the price sounds steep to ya, sorry, but we are a very small organization right now. Keep an eye out on the site!

New Adam Schirling article on Alt Reel

2011-12-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

The Death of American Manhood

check it out and leave some leave/hate fuckers

Are you fucking kidding me???

2011-12-05T11:22:00.001-05:00

Even in a flagging economy, Christie's auction house in New York City was able to attract a record sales price for a photograph. In November, a 1999 photo by German artist Andreas Gursky, of a scenic view of the Rhine River, sold for $4.3 million. (It is possible, of course, that buying the actual waterfront property that Gursky photographed from -- to enjoy the same view every day for the rest of your life -- would have been less expensive.) [Washington Post-AP, 11-11-2011]

This is a great example of how 99% of photography is not an art. at all. a journalistic skill, yes. art? no. its just another excuse for fat hipster girls and skeletor-like boys with no other artistic skills to be artsy. That a picture of something is worth atronomically more than the thing itself is fucking ludicrous. Photography is a technical skill, and a journalistic ability. Combat reporters and international correspondents that snap pictures documenting amazing snapshots that will be world history have my utmost respect. It absolutely takes a strong technical skill and sharp mind. Now, Ansel Adams taking fucking pictures of trees in Big Bear and selling them for 500K? FUCKING RETARDED. Just shows you how retarded supposed 'artsy' people are. I don't care if you find a picture of Mother Theresa pissing on JFKs chest while he is in drag, I wouldn't pay 4.3 Million dollars for it.

OHH, and here is a heads up. Taking a picture of yourself taking a picture isn't ironic. It's fucking stupid

to them ALL!!!!!!

2011-12-05T10:28:00.002-05:00

Update

2011-12-04T21:00:00.001-05:00

Drunken Absurdity is closed for submissions until the New Year! We will be working hard on getting the site updated with a bunch of great new features, and we will fucking be ready to rock in 2012. Happy Holidays Fuckers!

We will still keep updating the FB, blog, and Twitter because let's face it: we are attention whores

the only gift that i need

2011-12-04T11:17:00.002-05:00

'tis the season!!!

2011-12-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

Toni Tails, you are an artist that DA can def love

2011-12-03T13:48:00.000-05:00

her site

loooong time ago favorite, still rings true

2011-12-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

2011-12-03T08:35:00.002-05:00

oh jesus it is killing me already

2011-12-02T19:08:00.002-05:00

2011-12-02T08:41:00.002-05:00

this is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.....

2011-12-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

Ron de Jeremy spiced rum. My god.

from their website:

"Ron de Jeremy Rum is an exceptionally well-balanced 7-year old rum from Panama. It has an inviting light amber color with very attractive copper hues. The aroma is that of carefully aged rum, with a harmoniously balanced orchestra of oak, fruit and spices. In the palate it opens up smoothly, showcasing a high level of craftsmanship. The oak comes through robustly and satisfyingly, yet gently enough to allow hints of vanilla and raw sugarcane to reveal them selves. The finish is elegant and long, true to the aromas and flavors previously experienced. Ron de Jeremy sips perfectly, naked or savored over the rocks, and mixes beautifully to make Ron’s many signature drinkxxx. It is the adult rum"

The official website of Ron de Jeremy

naked female rebellion??!!! WE SUPPORT YOU ALIAA!!!!!!!

2011-11-29T10:57:00.001-05:00

Aliaa Magda Elmahdy is an Egyptian internet activist and women's rights advocate. Together with her boyfriend Kareem Amer, Elmahdy publicly challenged Egypt’s social strictures. Elmahdy became known for publishing a nude photo in her Blogspot blog, which she described in Facebook as "screams against a society of violence, racism, sexism, sexual harassment and hypocrisy". Since then she became a subject of several death threats.

A student of the American University of Cairo, Elmahdy positioned herself as a "secular, liberal, feminist, vegetarian, individualist Egyptian" and an atheist since turning 16. Elmahdy posted the nude photo on October 23, 2011 and according to her tweet, took the photo herself in the "parent's home months before" she met Amer. The photo was subsequently published on Twitter with the hashtag #nudephotorevolutionary.

this youtube video posted yesterday allegedly shows Elmahdy being beaten nd mauled in public, but her personal FB and Twitter feed make no mention of the incident

Her Blogger page

Bill Whittle fucking OWNING these hipster Occupy fucks

2011-11-27T14:16:00.003-05:00

goddamn you are sexy

2011-11-27T10:00:00.002-05:00

weird pic sunday

2011-11-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

Ben John Smith rockin his DA colors all the way from Australia

2011-11-26T19:47:00.000-05:00

Our very favorite motherfucker down under

ecclectic saturday pic post

2011-11-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

2011-11-25T19:55:00.001-05:00

Drunken Absurdity

A birthday message from the desk of Adam Schirling

i believe.....

Hey fuckstick

i legit get teary eyed when I realize I will never see Thursday live again

im a wanker

truly the best flattery

fucking truth

I normally dig you Marky Mark, but you fucked up now

New Drunken Absurdity feature

the facial hair goal now being worked on

true love found in a letter from Henry Miller to Anais

Hank Hill Hates Dubstep!! Fuck yea!

Make your voice heard people!!

An amazing show on a Tues night in Pawtucket

Wanna see something that will mess you up?

i have always wanted to be in one

A confession

Hipster marketing ploy

shitty quality, but SNL takes a great roundhouse kick at Hipsters, while also slipping in a slight jab at the online community

Happy Birthday to a true American legend

soooo stoked

truth

legends

one of my fav AVA songs, from their sophmore album I-Empire

Shelby Devine is online!

some raw shots from SinFest last night

A tribute to great breasts of the past

Morgan married an American and moved to the United States in the 1960s; her husband was later reportedly killed in a robbery. She began her career as an exotic dancer in the early 1970s.

Adam Schirling: Erotic Correspondent

sweet white boy moves

Adam Schirling's views on fetish and kink: Featured on Classy Fetish

Fuck Yea!!!

classic

New DA model!

we need to get this happening asap...

A friendly New Years message from our friend the Marine, on Action Figure Therapy

A New Years Eve Message from you dear ole' Uncle Adam

Hahaha

DA announces its endorsement for 2012: Ron Paul for President!

resolutions

Sale on merchandise!

Ha

i will always love Explosions in the Sky

yup

I want the whole world or nothing

The Drunken Absurdity store is open for business!

Willis Gordon does it again

the very worst crime that can be committed in the literature world...

These are a few of my favorite things.....

DA models doing big things in the world...

just brilliant, listen to the guitar riffs

ohh bettie

just awesome

whats a man to do??

A bit different than my normal fare

for my brothers in 3/6...Welcome Home

One of my favorite movie scenes from all time. Awesome speech in the bank

A must-see for any true drinker

i will meet one day big guy

fucking congrats to GNR for the 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction

ram jam

with great beard comes great responsibility

ole sid says it best

BUY MY SHIT!!!!

New Adam Schirling article on Alt Reel

Are you fucking kidding me???

to them ALL!!!!!!

Update

the only gift that i need

'tis the season!!!

Toni Tails, you are an artist that DA can def love

loooong time ago favorite, still rings true

oh jesus it is killing me already

this is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.....

naked female rebellion??!!! WE SUPPORT YOU ALIAA!!!!!!!

Bill Whittle fucking OWNING these hipster Occupy fucks

goddamn you are sexy

weird pic sunday

Ben John Smith rockin his DA colors all the way from Australia

Morgan married an American and moved to the United States in the 1960s; her husband was later reportedly killed in a robbery.She began her career as an exotic dancer in the early 1970s.